I'm just gonna jump on the bandwagon and be one of those people who decide that January is the month to make a New Year's resolution to fix everything that is bad in my life. Fortunately for me, that really all comes down to one thing--FAT!--the dreaded F word! I don't use the word fat to put myself down or in a negative way...it's just reality. "Fat" is only an insult if you allow it to be. Are overweight, plump, chubby, obese, etc really any nicer? They are all just words for fat, right? If you call the same person FAT and OVERWEIGHT they still look the same and weigh the same. It's just a word....why let it bother you!
So, that being said, what the hell am I going to do about it? Just because I am okay with the word doesn't mean I am okay with being fat! It's a great word and all but it's one I hope that someday can't be used to describe me. I am not okay with the control that fat has over my life. I'm not okay with being unhealthy. I am not okay with being tired all of the time because I am carrying around all this fat. I am not okay with being embarrassed by the way I look. I am not okay with having to buy plus size clothes. I am not okay with setting a bad example for my kids. I am not okay because this fat is hiding the REAL me.....the one under all of this fat....
So I need to get BEYOND THE FAT.....
So, what the plan?? I have tried so many things. I've tried different diet plans, joining a gym, counting calories, eliminating things from my diet....and none of them have worked long term. I can't tell you the number of times I have lost 50 pounds in my life only to regain it again....and more. :( I ask myself the same question that I ponder every time I begin this journey....How will this time be different??
Despite the fact that every time I start I tell myself that "this time will be a 'lifestyle change' not a diet" I still push myself in a way that I lose a lot of weight to start out but it isn't something that is maintainable. I tend to have an "all or nothing" personality where I am either being super strict with my diet or I am gorging myself on everything in sight. I really need a plan where I am focusing on getting healthy in a way that is maintainable for life. I have to face the fact that I can never go back to the way things have been. I need to realize that I didn't put all of this weight on overnight and it's not going to come off overnight. I need to adjust my thinking and realize it's not just about the number on the scale but my overall health. This has been a constant battle for over 30 years and there will be setbacks along the way. I need to learn how to deal with those setbacks in a positive way. I need to realize that *I* am important enough to make this effort for.
So today I signed up for Weight Watchers. I have tried this plan before but I've never been "all in." I've always refused to do the part where you attend weekly meetings and get weighed in by the WW staff. I've been too embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know just how bad the situation is. The number on the scale has always been my "secret shame" and something I've hidden from everyone (well, except my hubby! Isn't HE lucky?). Maybe it's been a way of not facing it and allowing myself to stay in denial. This time I took the plunge and signed up to attend the meetings. I think I need that accountability and I am one who likes a challenge (and never to lose them! Shocking, I know!) so I think I will challenge myself to see a lower number on the scale each week. I have a friend who has been doing the program since last April and she has lost a ton of weight and looks amazing! If she can do it, why can't I?
Weight Watchers new theme is "Beyond the Scale" (hence the name of my blog--Beyond the Fat!) and I believe that is what I need in my life. I need to get beyond the scale and the fat so that I can be my healthiest and happiest self!
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